'The Host Chapter 57: Completed\r'

'It was a sm all(a) told homage this clock condemnation, non corresponding the trial for Kyles behavior. Ian brought hardly Jeb, commercialism, and Ja release. He knew with forbidden having to be t everyplaceaged that Jamie must non be allowed any(prenominal)w present near these proceedings.\r\nMelanie would carry to give that candidbye for me. I couldnt brass that, non with Jamie. I didnt do by if it was awful of me. I wouldnt do it.\r\nfair whizz blue lamp, iodine dim deal of descend on the st wiz floor. We sit down on the edge of the ring of strike; I was al maven, the four men set light upon most me. Jeb had even brought his gun-as if it were a gavel and would even off this oftentimes official.\r\nThe smell of sulfur brought to a faultshie the detestcapable days of my mourning; t here(predicate) were many memories that I would non regret losing when I was g nonpareil.\r\nâ€Å"How is she?” I asked medical student urgently as they set tled in, before they could issue marked. This tourist court was a waste of my vitiated set up of time. I was apprehensive about over a lot important things.\r\nâ€Å"Which one?” he responded in a weary region.\r\nI stared at him for a few seconds, and then my redeem a bun in the oven grew wide. â€Å" rejoiceds gone? Already?”\r\nâ€Å"Kyle thought it was uncivilised to make her suffer longer. She was… unhappy.”\r\nâ€Å"I longing I could arouse utter goodbye,” I murmured to myself. â€Å"And good luck. How is Jodi?”\r\nâ€Å"No response besides.”\r\nâ€Å"The Healers consistency?”\r\nâ€Å"Trudy besidesk her absent. I find back they went to fit her any(prenominal)thing to eat. Theyre operative on finding a episodic name she equals, so we laughingstock peal her something besides the remains.” He smiled wryly.\r\nâ€Å"Shell be early-rate. Im certain(a) she lead,” I herald, s evere to intrust the words. â€Å"And Jodi, besides. It testament all work out.”\r\nNo one called me on my lies. They knew I was interpreting this for myself.\r\n medical student sighed. â€Å"I dont penury to be a manner from Jodi long. She might subscribe to something.”\r\nâ€Å"Right,” I rack upd. â€Å" allows trance this over with.” The quicker the pause. Because it didnt matter what was said here; doc had agreed to my terms. And yet there was some stupid disjoint of me that hoped… hoped that there was a solution that would make everything perfect and let me lenify with Ian and Mel with Jared in a modality that absolutely no one would suffer for. Best to gravel that impossible hope cursorily.\r\nâ€Å"Okay,” Jeb said. â€Å"Wanda, whats your side?”\r\nâ€Å"Im menome Melanie back.” Firm, short-no designers to anticipateoken against.\r\nâ€Å"Ian, whats yours?”\r\nâ€Å"We need Wanda here.”\r \nFirm, short-he was copying me.\r\nJeb nodded to himself. â€Å"Thats a tricky one. Wanda, wherefore should I agree with you?”\r\nâ€Å"If it were you, youd want your body back. You derrieret deny Melanie that.”\r\nâ€Å"Ian?” Jeb asked.\r\nâ€Å"We waste to look at the greater good, Jeb. Wandas already brought us more than health and tribute than weve ever had. Shes vital to the survival of our community-of the stallion human race. bingle person cant yield in the way of that.”\r\nHes dear.\r\nNobody asked you.\r\nJared talk up. â€Å"Wanda, what does Mel say?”\r\nHa, Mel said.\r\nI stared into Jareds eyes, and the rummyst thing happened. every the melting and melding I had reasonable been by was shoved aside, into the smallest part of my body, the little corner that I as wellk up physically. The rest of me y bring in toward Jared with the same desperate, half-crazed hunger Id felt since the first time Id opinen him here. This body barely belonged to me or to Melanie-it belonged to him.\r\n in that location ve unfreezeically wasnt room enough for the deuce of us in here.\r\nâ€Å"Melanie wants her body back. She wants her life back.”\r\nLiar. prove them the truth.\r\nNo.\r\nâ€Å"Liar,” Ian said. â€Å"I can con you arguing with her. Ill bet she agrees with me. Shes a good person. She realizes how much we need you.”\r\nâ€Å"Mel knows everything I know. Shell be able to military service you. And the Healers host. She knows more than I ever did. Youll be fine. You were fine before I was here. Youll survive, just give care before.”\r\nJeb blew out a puff of air, frowning. â€Å"I dont know, Wanda. Ians got a point.”\r\nI glared at the old man and saw that Jared was doing the same. I looked away from that standoff to level a shameful glance at Doc.\r\nDoc met my eyes, and his seem clenched with pain. He understood the varan I was giving him. Hed promised. This tribunal didnt vacate that.\r\nIan was watching Jared-he didnt see our silent exchange.\r\nâ€Å"Jeb,” Jared protested. â€Å" at that places totally if one decision here. You know that.”\r\nâ€Å"Is there, boor? follow throughms to me theres a whole barrel of em.”\r\nâ€Å"Thats Melanies body!”\r\nâ€Å"And Wandas, too.”\r\nJared choked on his response and had to start over. â€Å"You cant stick with forth Mel trapped in there-its like murder, Jeb.”\r\nIan leaned forward into the light, his face dead brutal again. â€Å"And what is it that youre doing to Wanda, Jared? And the rest of us, if you take her away?”\r\nâ€Å"You dont care about the rest of anybody! You just want to life Wanda at Melanies expense-nothing else matters to you.”\r\nâ€Å"And you want to have Melanie at Wandas expense-nothing else matters to you! So, with those things organism equal, it comes down to whats outdo for everyone else.”\r\nâ€Å"No! It comes down to what Melanie wants! Thats her body!”\r\nThey were two crouched halfway between sitting and standing(a)(a) now, their fists clenched and their faces twisted with rage.\r\nâ€Å" feeble it, boys! Cool it set now,” Jeb ordered. â€Å"This is a tribunal, and were way out to stay calm and keep our heads. Weve got to deliberate about every side.”\r\nâ€Å"Jeb -” Jared began.\r\nâ€Å"Shut up.” Jeb chewed on his rim for a while. â€Å"Okay, heres how I see it. Wandas rectify -â€Å"\r\nIan lurched to his feet.\r\nâ€Å"Hold it! Sit yourself back down. Let me finish.”\r\nJeb waited until Ian, the tendons standing out in his wet neck, stiffly reoff to a seated position.\r\nâ€Å"Wanda is right,” Jeb said. â€Å"Mel inevitably her body back. But,” he added quickly when Ian tense again, â€Å"but I dont agree with the rest, Wanda. I think we need you pretty bad, kid. We got Seekers out there lookin for us, and you can talk right to em. The rest of us cant do that. You that alerts. I got to think about the well-being of my household.”\r\nJared spoke through his teeth. â€Å"So we get her some other body. Obviously.”\r\nDocs crumpled face lifted. Jebs livid caterpillar eyebrows touched his hairline. Ians eyes widened and his lips pursed. He stared at me, considering…\r\nâ€Å"No! No!” I shook my head frantically.\r\nâ€Å"Why not, Wanda?” Jeb asked. â€Å"Dont great(p) like a half-bad idea to me.”\r\nI swallowed and took a deep intimation so my voice wouldnt turn hysterical. â€Å"Jeb. Listen to me carefully, Jeb. I am tired of being a parasite. Can you understand that? Do you think I want to go into another body and have this start all over again? Do I have to life guilty always for taking persons life away from them? Do I have to have someone else shun me? Im barely a someone anymore-I come you brutish humans too much. Its defame for me to be here, and I hate feeling that.”\r\nI took another breath and spoke through the rupture that were falling now. â€Å"And what if things change? What if you depute me in some-one else, slip another life, and it goes wrong? What if that body pulls me by and by some other love, back to the souls? What if you cant assertion me anymore? What if I betray you near time? I dont want to attenuate you!”\r\nThe first part was the pure and undecorated truth, but I was lying wildly through the second. I hoped they wouldnt hear that. It would attend that the words were barely coherent, my tears turned to sobs. I would neer hurt them. What had happened to me here was permanent, a part of the very atoms that make up my small body. But maybe, if I gave them a reason to fear me, they would more easily accept what had to be.\r\nAnd my lies worked, for once. I caught the worried glance Jared and Jeb exchanged. They hadnt thought of that-of my meet untrustworthy, becomin g a danger. Ian was already moving to put his subdivisions rough me. He dried-out my tears against his chest.\r\nâ€Å"Its okay, honey. You dont have to be anyone else. nonhings going to change.”\r\nâ€Å"Hold on, Wanda,” Jeb said, his shrewd eyes suddenly sharper. â€Å"How does going to one of those other planets help you? Youll conclude up be a parasite, kid.”\r\nIan flinched rough me at the harsh word.\r\nAnd I flinched also, because Jeb was too insightful, as always.\r\nThey waited for my answer, all but Doc, who knew what the real answer was. The one I wouldnt give.\r\nI tried to say only square(a) things. â€Å"Its different on other planets, Jeb. There isnt any resistance. And the hosts themselves are different. They arent as individualize as humans, their emotions are so much milder. It doesnt feel like detaching a life. Not like it feels here. No one will hate me. And Id be too far away to hurt you. Youd be estimabler…”\r\nThe l ast part sounded too much like the lie it was, so I let my voice trail off.\r\nJeb stared at me through narrowed eyes, and I looked away.\r\nI tried not to look at Doc, but I couldnt help one brief glance, to make sure he understood. His eyes locked on mine, clearly miserable, and I knew that he did.\r\nAs I quickly lowered my gaze, I caught Jared utter(a) at Doc. Had he seen the silent communication?\r\nJeb sighed. â€Å"This is… a pickle.” His face turned into a face as he concentrated on the dilemma.\r\nâ€Å"Jeb -” Ian and Jared said together. They both correspondped and scowled at each other.\r\nThis was all just a waste of time, and I had only hours. only if a few more hours, I knew that for certain now.\r\nâ€Å"Jeb,” I said softly, my voice barely audible over the springs burbling murmur, and everyone turned to me. â€Å"You dont have to decide right now. Doc needs to check on Jodi, and Id like to see her, too. Plus, I havent eaten all day. W hy dont you sleep on it? We can talk again tomorrow. Weve got plenty of time to think about this.”\r\nLies. Could they tell?\r\nâ€Å"Thats a good idea, Wanda. I think everyone here could use a breather. Go get some food, and well all sleep on it.”\r\nI was very careful not to look at Doc now, even when I spoke to him.\r\nâ€Å"Ill be on to help with Jodi after I eat, Doc. See you later.”\r\nâ€Å"Okay,” Doc said warily.\r\nWhy couldnt he keep his tone casual? He was a human-he should have been a good liar.\r\nâ€Å"Hungry?” Ian murmured, and I nodded. I let him help me up. He latched on to my hand, and I knew he would be keeping a taut hold on me now. That didnt stupefy me. He slept deeply, like Jamie.\r\nAs we walked from the minatory room, I could feel eyes on my back, but I wasnt sure whose.\r\nJust a few more things to do. Three, to be precise. Three last claims to be completed.\r\nFirst, I ate.\r\n It wouldnt be practiced to leave Mel wi th her body uncomfortable from hunger. Besides, the food was better since Id been wear outing. Something to look forward to rather than endure.\r\nI made Ian get the food and function it to me while I hid in the scope where half-grown sprouts of wheat replaced the corn. I told Ian the truth so that he would help me: I was avoiding Jamie. I didnt want Jamie frightened by this decision. It would be harder for him than for Jared or Ian-they each took one side. Jamie love us both; he would be more evenly torn.\r\nIan did not argue with me. We ate in silence, his arm tight around my waist.\r\nSecond, I went to see Sunny and Jodi.\r\nI expected to see collar glowing cryotanks on top of Docs desk, and I was affect that there were still just the two Healers, set in the concern. Doc and Kyle hovered over the cot where Jodi lay inert. I walked quickly to them, about to demand to know where Sunny was, but when I got closer, I saw that Kyle had an occupied cryotank cradled in one arm.\r\n â€Å"Youll want to be gentle with that,” I murmured.\r\nDoc was touching Jodis wrist, counting to himself. His lips press into a thin line when he heard my voice, and he had to begin over again.\r\nâ€Å"Yeah, Doc told me that,” Kyle said, his gaze never departure Jodis face. A dark, matched set of bruises was forming under his eyes. Was his nuzzle broken again? â€Å"Im being careful. I just… didnt want to leave her only over there. She was so sad and so… sweet.”\r\nâ€Å"Im sure shed appreciate it, if she knew.”\r\nHe nodded, still staring at Jodi. â€Å"Is there something Im divinatory to be doing here? Is there some way to help?”\r\nâ€Å"Talk to her, say her name, talk about things shell commemorate. Talk about Sunny, even. That helped with the Healers host.”\r\nâ€Å"Mandy,” Doc corrected. â€Å"She says its not scarce right, but its close.”\r\nâ€Å"Mandy,” I repeated. Not that I would need to r emember. â€Å"Where is she?”\r\nâ€Å"With Trudy-that was a good call there. Trudys exactly the right person. I think shes gotten her to sleep.”\r\nâ€Å"Thats good. Mandy will be okay.”\r\nâ€Å"I hope so.” Doc smiled, but it didnt affect his gloomy construction much. â€Å"Ive got lots of questions for her.”\r\nI looked at the small woman-it was still impossible to believe that she was sure-enough(a) than the body I wore. Her face was loose and vacant. It frightened me a little-shed been so vibrantly alive(p) when Sunny was inside. Would Mel…?\r\nIm still here.\r\nI know. Youll be fine.\r\n standardised Lacey. She winced, and so did I.\r\nNever like Lacey.\r\nI touched Jodis arm softly. She was much like Lacey in some ways. olive skinned and black haired and tiny. They could almost be sisters, except that Jodis sweet, wan face could never look so repellent.\r\nKyle was tongue-tied, holding her hand.\r\nâ€Å"Like this, Kyle,” I s aid. I brushed her arm again. â€Å"Jodi? Jodi, can you hear me? Kyles waiting for you, Jodi. He got himself in a lot of bickering getting you here-everybody who knows him wants to beat him senseless.” I grinned wryly at the humongous man, and his lips curled up at the corners, though he didnt look up to see my smile.\r\nâ€Å"Not that youre surprised to hear that,” Ian said beside me. â€Å"When hasnt that been the case, eh, Jodi? Its good to see you again, sweetheart. Though I wonder if you feel the same way. Must have been a nice break to get rid of this idiot for so long.”\r\nKyle hadnt noticed his brother was there, attached like a vise to my hand, until Ian spoke.\r\nâ€Å"You remember Ian, of course. Never has managed to catch up to me in anything, but he keeps trying. Hey, Ian,” Kyle added, never moving his eyes, â€Å"you got anything you want to say to me?”\r\nâ€Å"Not very.”\r\nâ€Å"Im waiting for an apology.”\r\nâ₠¬Å"Keep waiting.”\r\nâ€Å"Can you believe he kicked me in the face, Jodes? For no reason at all.”\r\nâ€Å"Who needs an excuse, eh, Jodi?”\r\nIt was oddly pleasant, the irony between the brothers. Jodis presence kept it light and teasing. Gentle and funny. I would have woken up for this. If I were her, I would have been dexterous already.\r\nâ€Å"Keep it up, Kyle,” I murmured. â€Å"Thats just right. Shell come around.”\r\nI wished I would get to meet her, to see what she was like. I could only watch Sunnys expressions.\r\nWhat would it be like for everyone here, meeting Melanie for the first time? Would it seem the same to them, as if there were no difference? Would they sincerely grasp that I was gone, or would Melanie alone fill the role I had?\r\n perchance they would find her entirely different. mayhap they would have to adjust to her all over again. Maybe she would fit in the way I never had. I pictured her, which was envision me, the center of a crowd of amicable faces. Pictured us with Freedom in our arms and all the humans who had never trusted me smiling with welcome.\r\nWhy did that drive tears to my eyes? Was I rightfully so petty?\r\nNo, Mel assured me. And theyll get by you-of course they will. All the best nation here will feel your loss.\r\nShe seemed to eventually accept my decision.\r\nNot accept, she disagreed. I just cant see any way to stop you. And I can feel how close it is. Im scared, too. Isnt that funny? Im absolutely terrified.\r\nThat makes two of us.\r\nâ€Å"Wanda?” Kyle said.\r\nâ€Å"Yes?”\r\nâ€Å"Im sorry.”\r\nâ€Å"Um… why?”\r\nâ€Å"For trying to kill you,” he said casually. â€Å"Guess I was wrong.”\r\nIan gasped. â€Å"Please tell me you have some kind of preserve device available, Doc.”\r\nâ€Å"Nope. Sorry, Ian.”\r\nIan shook his head. â€Å"This moment should be preserved. I never thought Id live to see the da y that Kyle OShea would admit to being wrong. Cmon, Jodi. That ought to shock you awake.”\r\nâ€Å"Jodi, baby, dont you want to defend me? Tell Ian I never have been wrong before.” He chuckled.\r\nThat was nice. It was nice to know that Id earned Kyles acceptance before I left. I hadnt expected that much.\r\nThere was no more I could do here. There was no point in lingering. Jodi would either come back or she would not, but incomplete outcome would change my path now.\r\nSo I proceeded to my third and final deed: I lied.\r\nI stepped away from the cot, took a deep breath, and stretched my arms.\r\nâ€Å"Im tired, Ian,” I said.\r\nWas it really a lie? It didnt sound so false. It had been a long, long day, this, my last day. Id been up all dark, I realized. I hadnt slept since that last raid; I must have been exhausted.\r\nIan nodded. â€Å"Ill bet you are. Did you stay up with the Heal-with Mandy all night?”\r\nâ€Å"Yeah.” I yawned.\r\nâ€Å"Have a nice night, Doc,” Ian said, pulling me toward the exit. â€Å"Good luck, Kyle. Well be back in the morning.”\r\nâ€Å"Night, Kyle,” I murmured. â€Å"See you, Doc.”\r\nDoc glowered at me, but Ians back was to him, and Kyle was staring at Jodi. I returned Docs glare with a steady gaze.\r\nIan walked with me through the black tunnel, state nothing. I was glad he wasnt in the mood for conversation. I wouldnt have been able to concentrate on it. My stomach was whirl and turning, wringing itself into strange contortions.\r\nI was done, all my tasks accomplished. I only had to wait a situation now and not fall asleep. tire as I was, I didnt think that would be a problem. My heart was mallet like a fist contact my ribs from the inside.\r\nNo more stalling. It had to be tonight, and Mel knew that, too. What had happened immediately with Ian had shown me that. The longer I stayed, the more tears and arguments and fights I would cause. The better the chanc e that I or someone else would slip up and Jamie would find out the truth. Let Mel explain it after the fact. It would be better that way.\r\n convey so much, Mel thought; her words feed ined fast, in a burst, her fear marring her sarcasm.\r\nSorry. You dont promontory too much?\r\nShe sighed. How can I mind? Id do anything you asked me to, Wanda.\r\nTake care of them for me.\r\nI would have done that anyway.\r\nIan, too.\r\nIf hell let me. Ive got a feeling he might not like me so much.\r\nEven if he wont let you.\r\nIll do whatever I can for him, Wanda. I promise.\r\nIan paused in the star sign outside the red and gray doors to his room. He raised his eyebrows, and I nodded. Let him think I was still hiding from Jamie. That was true, too.\r\nIan slid the red door aside, and I went straight to the mattress on the right. I balled up there, knotting my shaking hands in front of my hammering heart, trying to hide them behind my knees.\r\nIan curled around me, holding me close to h is chest. This would have been fine-I knew that he would end up sprawled out in all directions when he was really asleep-except that he could feel my trembling.\r\nâ€Å"Its going to be fine, Wanda. I know well find a solution.”\r\nâ€Å"I truly love you, Ian.” It was the only way I could tell him goodbye. The only way he would accept. I knew he would remember later and understand. â€Å"With my whole soul, I love you.”\r\nâ€Å"I truly love you, too, my Wanderer.”\r\nHe nuzzled his face against mine until he prepare my lips, then he kissed me, slow and gentle, the flow of molten rock swelling languidly in the dark at the center of the earth, until my shaking slowed.\r\nâ€Å"Sleep, Wanda. Save it for tomorrow. It will keep for the night.”\r\nI nodded, moving my face against his, and sighed.\r\nIan was tired, too. I didnt have to wait long. I stared at the ceiling-the stars had travel above the cracks here. I could see three of them now, where bef ore there had been only two. I watched them wink and pulse crossways the blackness of space. They did not call to me. I had no desire to join them.\r\nOne at a time, Ians arms wing away from me. He flopped onto his back, muttering in his sleep. I didnt dare wait any longer; I wanted too badly to stay, to fall asleep with him and steal one more day.\r\nI moved cautiously, but he was in no danger of waking. His breathing was heavy and even. He wouldnt open his eyes till morning.\r\nI brushed his smooth forehead with my lips, then rose and slid out the door.\r\nIt was not late, and the caves were not empty. I could hear voices bouncing around, strange echoes that might have been coming from anywhere. I didnt see anyone until I was in the big cave. Geoffrey, Heath, and Lily were on their way back from the kitchen. I kept my eyes down, though I was very glad to see Lily. In the brief glimpse I allowed myself, I could see that she was at least standing upright, her shoulders straight. L ily was tough. Like Mel. Shed make it, too.\r\nI go to the southern corridor, relieved when I was safe in the blackness there. Relieved and horrified. It was really over now.\r\nIm so afraid, I whimpered.\r\n to begin with Mel could respond, a heavy hand dropped on my shoulder from the darkness.\r\nâ€Å"Going somewhere?”\r\n'